Never go back
by Moonrays and fridays
Summary: So she's back on SG1, where she belongs? But what, or more importantly, who did she leave behind? The SJ moments during season 9.
1. Chapter 1

**Never go back**

She missed him. Of course she did, but it had all happened so quickly.  
Or rather it had happened excruciatingly slowly, and then someone hit the fast forward button and it was all first names and snuggled on the sofa watching the Simpsons.  
It was weird to say the least.

I mean, no, it was great. Of course it was great! Brilliant, more than she could have asked for. It made it all worth it, knowing that they'd both survived, beaten the bad guys, and now it was someone elses turn.

And they got their happy ever after? They got to have fights over the remote and science versus faith, or gut instinct, and whether or not common sense was ever an option. Most of the times they forgot their ranks, or previous occupations. They'd been colleagues. Friends, if you will.  
And she loved those times she'd met his friends, and at her name they'd grinned really wide, nodded with understanding, and patted him on the back. And even more, the times when she knew he was patting himself on the back, either when he told her she looked beautiful, something that made her blush, or when he managed to confuse her with technobabble, which elated her.

And now they got to do the long distance thing? Was that really a viable option? She wasn't just going to let it go, she'd waited too long for the missing piece of the puzzle, but now back home, in Colarado Springs, away from the shelter of the dessert, and all her distracting doohickeys, she realised what she'd been missing. She'd tried to be faithful to him, to stay off the flagship team, her team, so she would be safe, and he would happy, and it would be all fairytales and "What dog should we get?"'s, but Cam slapped that tag on her uniform, and she was back. Who was she kidding? He'd known before anyone else, even her, that the mountain was her first love, just as the dialling system was her baby-her prodigy.  
She recalled the look on his face when she suggested she go back to Colorado to help out, the raised eyebrow making her homesick for another friend, who she might just see if she was lucky.

"Help out?" He said, dripping sarcasm, but still smiling, his hands loosely on the wheel, "So you'll just drop in, find Baal, and come back, all done? "What a great week, see ya later guys", kinda deal?"

"Sure, why not?" She shrugged.

"You're missing one small detail here-i know you." He smiled sadly, "It won't be a one week job, you love the mountain, hell you were practically married to it for eight years. Once Landry gets hold of you, and don't forget Mitchell...see you in another four years right?"

"You're wrong, besides, i think there's something around here worth sticking around for." She grinned.

"I know, the jello in the Area51 commisary is amazing! Forget Roswell, that's the real secret!"

She sighed, rolling her eyes.

He smiled, and patted her leg with his free hand. "I'll call Landry in the morning."

She sat back in her chair, both satisfied and unsatisfied. She would see the mountain again! See Daniel, and maybe Teal'c. See her...someone elses lab.

And now, as she unpacks her Lab, respectfully left empty in her absence, as if expecting her return, knowing in advance that she wouldn't be able to leave it.

"Carter." She answers the incessant ringing of the phone, expecting it to be Daniel, again, in his search for answers. It's not.

"Sorry, i need you're help. Could you possibly tell me what ingredients constitute an omelette?" He says charmingly.

She laughs, "It's good to hear your voice."

"You're tired."

"It's not that...although the plane leaving at four am so you could wind up Landry when you knew he'd phone was so considerate..."

"Evil genius is not a term to be used lightly."

There's silence again, as she contemplates, tries to understand what she wants to tell him.

"Everything's different, and yet everything's the same."

"What, suprised they managed to live on without you? If they'd been falling apart you'd have been disappointed." He points out, quite rationally.

"I know. It's just, this place used to be my home...and now it's not."

"What's so wrong with it? Did Landry cancel the order of blue jello like i suggested?"

"No, you're not here, you idiot."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Things like that were still awkward and unusual with them. They were soldiers through and through, things had changed them both, neither were overly passionate with words. He was a man of action, and in some ways, so was she. Head on shoulder, arm in arm.

"So, i was thinking now that you're back on Sg1, you're back to being 2IC again, guess i didn't think that through huh?"

"I was always a better second than i was a leader, i was always worrying about living up to your expectations, and following your example. This way i can be Science Sam to the rescue..." She laughs, a light tinkling sound, indicative of how tired she really is.

"Instead of Soldier Sam?" He grins, and she can hear it.

"I'll be home in two weeks." She says firmly.

"To stay?"

"A few days."

"I knew it! You missed it!" He says victoriously.

"I said i'd be home, this isn't home anymore." She points out, "Surely that earns me some brownie points?"

"Just a couple, make sure you spend your time at home earning the rest of them Colonel!"

"YES SIR!" She almost shouts, but instead collapses onto the couch in her newly redone office. It's off kilter.

"I suppose i better go." She says grudgingly, "Danny will be in in a minute, telling me about all the apparent answers to the universe that he's maybe-almost-might have found." She tries not to sound bitter, but it doesn't work.

"I'm going to tell him you said that!"

"Did he tell you about his girlfriend? Vala? The person he says he's not interested in at all?"

"Getting jealous there Carter?"

"Ha ha."

"He did tell me about her. Only that she's annoying, has a short attention span, and lies without really caring if anyone believes her. Said she reminded him of someone. Do you know who he means?"

She yawned. "No idea."

"You better go. But before you go and sleep, check the box i helped pack, the one that did say "Research on anti-grav mechanisms" and now says "Doohickeys extraordinaire". I put a present in there for when you go offworld."

"I'm not staying."

"Sure."

"I'm not!"

"If you're not back in two months i'm buying a laborador."

"But we were gonna get-"

"No buts! Two months, deal?"

"I love you." She laughed. The man was like the miracle cure to a crappy day.

"You too. Be safe."

"I will."

She hung up, and went searching for her present.

As she found the box, scrabbled around until finding a soft object wrapped in Yellow paper with Bart Simpson saying "Best of luck, man", and smiled, opening it carefully, only slightly worried that something would spring out at her.

And inside, with a handwritten tag that said "For a little extra luck, we always needed it." was a love worn, olive baseball cap, with the beak bent a little too much.

Sam smiled. Maybe, sometimes, it was okay to go back.


	2. Remember Me

**AN:** Originally this was a one shot, complete piece, but thanks to the reviews i decided to do another. Maybe, if i get enough reviews, i could do it as a series...a js accompaniment to season9? Anyone have any thoughts on that? That was a shameless attempt to get Feedback! 

**Just a quick note**: i am British and therefore have no idea the distance in miles between colorado and washington (infact i probably couldnt point either out on a map)  
If anyone wants to tell me, email it...and if ur gonna do that u might as well review!

**Never Go Back.**

**Chapter 2: Remember me?**

****

Samantha Carter was wrapped up in a life changing experiment, or at least that's what she'd tell you if you asked. The truth was, the Lieutenant Colonel, brilliant Doctor, Little Miss "science is fun", was curled up in the darkest corner of her lab she could find, a mug of cold coffee sitting on the concrete next to her. Through the not-quite tears she could see the blurry red outline of the words "Gone fishin'" on the mug, with a scribbled "Finally" added on haphazardly in black pen for no extra charge, care of Jack O'Neill.

He seemed to have a penchant for writing on her stuff.

Although in all fairness, he'd given it to her, one of those quirky "I'm sorry your dad's dead and i don't know how to make you smile again, forgive my stupidity" type of things. The worst thing was it made her cry. She hated when she did that. She kept going over all the times she'd cried infront of him, and it wasn't acceptable. Well, she guessed it was acceptable now...

_Buck yourself up Colonel! Carter's don't cry!_ She tried hearing her father's mantra, long since drilled into her head since puberty, if only to explain his inability to show an ounce of care for anything since her mother's death, but she couldn't. He'd changed. He would never tell her to bottle it up, he'd just offer his arms, and shrug. Wow she missed him sometimes.

Her cell phone rang, vibrating in her pocket, and making her jump. "Left it on again? Just plain stupid, Carter! Hello?" She muttered, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, knowing that it wouldn't make her voice any less thick.

"First time you haven't answered your phone with "Carter" for about five years, I'd say." A wry voice, smirking she could tell, said simply.

"I'm glad it's you." She felt her voice shake again.

_I will not play the vunerable crying girlfriend who needs to be comforted. I won't do it! I won't!_

"Sounds like it's been a bad week. An understatement,I know." He sympathised.

"Yeah, pretty much." She tried to sniff as quietly as possible, "Why didn't you use the base phone?"

"I tried, Landry said you'd given orders not to disturb as you were performing a highly dangerous experiement with fluxations that could be catastrohpic if you were disturbed...if i hadn't known you were having a hard time, that confirmed it." She could actually _hear _him shrugging.

"I'm not having a hard time, it's been a rough week. It happens. I'm fine." She insisted, knowing that he wouldn't believe it for a minute. Not that she expected him to. And if she was completely honest, she didn't really want him to either.

"I know you." He said whispered tauntingly, as if that made it okay for him to be right.

"I know there is no experiment in your lab right now,I remember you hiding behind that since forever. After Jolinar, after that little game of hide and seek with the Anubis Drone, after the incident with Repli-Carter. Why do you think no one else bothered you then? When you wanted to escape from the world, i was the only one stupid enough to keep pushing you."

"The only one who wasn't scared I'd throw radioactive material on him...i still feel bad for threatening Daniel with that one." She sniffed laughingly.

"When was that? How did Space Monkey not tell me about that?" Jack laughed.

There was quiet at the other end of the line.

"Sam?"

"It was when you were stuck with Maybourne...I made Daniel promise not to mention my "affected" behaviour." She blinked hard, hoping that if she got the words out fast enough, he wouldn't notice them.

"Ohh..." He desperately wanted to say something horribly cliche like "I'm sorry honey", but that wouldn't work with them, not yet anyway.

"I'm sorry Sam" He settled for. "but you were distant once i got back too."

"Guilt. You got stranded again, and that time i couldn't save you. And if i had been on guard with maybourne he wouldn't have taken my weapon...Anyway, on to this week's drama."

Jack smiled. How could she do that? Optimism on that level, from anyone else would make him nauseas, but somehow it seemed to heal a little part of him everytime she showed it. It was a breath of fresh air from the buerocracy of Washington, and the years of "Why are we fighting? Why are good people dying? When will it be over"  
She made him whole, he realised, trying not to be sentimental about it. A Carterless existence was abominable, and a Carterfull (or half full) existence, but with her feeling like half a person felt like hell.

"You're sitting in that corner, aren't you?" He said softly, referring to her current seat, the darkest part of the lab, which he had christened The Hiding Corner. Because even if Carter's weren't supposed to cry, with Jack O'Neill, they were allowed to hide.

Sam peered around the corner and looked up at the security camera suspiciously.

"No, I'm not looking through the camera." He chuckled.

"Then how do you know i just looked?"

"Didn't till just now. I just, sadly, know how your brain works. It's keeping me up at night even though I'm millions of miles away!"

"I'm pretty sure it's not millions of miles, Jack."

"Feels like it sometimes." He said, before he thought, and got uncomfortable, changing the subject.

"How's Orlin?"

She remembered to breath. Right, those files passed his desk everyday, just because now he was her scatterbrained boyfriend, instead of her pretending-to-be scatterbrained CO, didn't mean he didn't do his paperwork.

"In a mental institution. But i guess you knew that."

"I meant more along the lines of how are you doing with a man...boy..uh, ancient who you care about suddenly not remembering you?"

"Sad, angry, frustrated? Pick an adjective..." Her shoulders slumped. "I'm not even sure how i'm supposed to react to this, it's too much to deal with."

"It always is. You'll be fine. You're stronger than you know." He replied gently, wishing he didn't sound so much like her CO, and that he didn't feel like he was shipping her off into battle without him there to watch her six. He wanted to protect her. Even when she didn't need it. He was a male chauvanist. He'd get over it.

She sighed, a slight whisper in the darkness of her lab.

"I don't want to be strong anymore." She shook at the idea of admitting it to him, he always thought she had the answers, that she was a genius. He was wrong. Sometimes she was just a woman, and sometimes it hurt more than she could believe. "I just want to collapse, and not have to think for a very long time." She yawned. "AndI miss you."

"You do?"

"How can you still sound surprised? Yes,I miss you. Very much. And not just becauseI happen to feel like crap, just because you're you. Is that okay, or shouldI send a memo?" She yawned, snapping slightly.

"Is that snippiness?"

"Is that a word?"

"Are you actually angry at me?"

"Are you actually asking that question?"

"Are you going to stop this anytime soon?"

"Are you standing outside this door?"

"Do you want me to be standing outside this door?"

"Sam?" He asked hesitantly.

"You said "this" door." Sam answered quietly, "You're standing outside my lab?"

The door opened and a man walked in, wearing average civvies, jeans, shirt, leather jacket, and sat on the floor next to her, remaining a decent distance away incase she didn't want company.  
Her eyes widened to the size of saucers. Weirder things had happened in her life, but a General in the US Airforce flying in from Washington because she was crying alone in her lab? Well, it sounded strange when you put it that way.

Jack reached over and slowly moved the mug, his mug, that her hands were grasping like a lifeline, putting it on the other side of him, still not looking at her. Through the silence he asked if it was okay, without saying anything, without looking at her.  
She stared straight ahead, and her shoulders shook as she turned and smiled at him. 100 watts in two seconds. And then her eyes glossed over and she started to cry.

He put his arm around her, as had always been allowed with them. It had always been okay, just on the boundary.

"Well,I _was _going to take you out for a swank meal," He started, overly cheerful, "ButI think we need greasy chinese and some beer, what d'ya say?"

She turned to look at him, the eye contact staggering. He knew what it meant, it had been their only true form of communication for years. But he also wanted to hear the words.

She tried desperately to say them, to form them in her mind, to summon the courage. She knew it was true, but it was too much, too soon. So instead she kissed him, and said, very gently,

"Thank you."

He knew what it meant.

Thank you.You've saved me. I love you.

And in the darkened corner of the lab, Samantha Carter cried. Not only for Orlin, his lost memory, his noble sacrifice .She cried not only for those killed by the virus. Not just because she had left and everything was different, and she didn't feel like she was back, not really. No, Samantha Carter cried, because there was someone there for her to lean on.

And outside there was a handmade sign, tacked up on the Lab door, which clearly read:

"Life-changing Doohickey experiment in Progress. Come back later!"

Yep, it was official. She loved him.


	3. The domino effect

Never Go Back. 

**AN: _Hey everyone, this one's a little fluffier, so i hope it's still believable...well as believeable as sg1 can get. Please f/b coz im not sure if anyone will like this one! I think its cute, but maybe fluff is not liked in fanfic world? Im relying on shippers here! FB please!_**

Ch3. The Domino Effect.

Samantha Carter was not having a good day. In fact, her whole week had been kind of sucky. That's how far gone she was, she was using words like "Sucky." All she wanted to do was relax on her couch with a beer and a nice book on anything but black holes. She picked up a few books, a magazine, an unfinished thesis and threw them each aside within a few seconds of flicking through them indifferently. She stood up, walked around, and sat back down. Sam Carter was absolutely lost.  
The phone rang, about half an hour later than she expected.

"Hello?" She yawned in answer, placing the phone between her neck and shoulder, stretching her arms out over her head, trying to release the kinks in her neck.

"Hey, sorry,I meant to call earlier, but then the Joint Chiefs decided they had to speak to me or the world was going to end..." A voice sighed.

"You love getting to say that don't you? For all that stuff about hating politics, you actually like getting to feel important!" She accused.

"Hey, I am important!" He protested.

"You just do it so that all your nieces and nephews can say "My Uncle Jack spoke to the President yesterday! He's so cool!""

"Hey, I am cool!"

"You want me to pick you up from the airport?" She offered, stifling another yawn.

"No, you sound tired. Anyway, I'm getting in a cab now, so talk to me, because if you don't tell me about your week I'm going to have to actually read the report!" She imagined him shuddering.

"And ya know what?" He said irritably, "I think I'm getting soft, because your technobabble seems incresingly hard to understand. I mean,I thoughtI had it for a few years and now...woah."

"Yeah, I guess being around all the other egg heads wasn't really helping me stop babbling."

"They were egg heads?"

"Oh yeah. Even I was beginning to see how annoying it is whenI talk like that!And one of them was a marine!" She shuddered. "kept popping gum in my face. Damn irritating."

"Ew. Bet we weren't together in that reality...although at least then there'd be no technobabble quicksand for me to drown in."

She rolled her eyes, he hadn't become any more subtle in the last few weeks, and to tell the truth, she couldn't deal with anymore changes. She needed to know this was her reality.  
But then again, it couldn't hurt to wind him up a little bit.

"Actually no,I was with Jonas Hanson."

"The "Let's get happy with God" Guy?"

"Yep."

"Sam, that's gross."

"The Leader of Home World Security is using words like Gross? Have you been speaking to Cassie?"

"ActuallyI phoned her just beforeI spoke to you. We should invite her round sometime soon. I feel likeI don't get to see her anymore. And after this summer...well,I know she's feeling better, but she needs to know we're around."

"I almost wish she could have seen Janet, but then it could have been harder on her, to say goodbye again." Sam sighed.

"At least she would have got to say goodbye." Jack said simply.

"There are loads of things to talk about, but right now, my head is buzzing with the confusion of it, so I'm going to bed for a few hours. You've got the spare right?"

"Sure. See you soon."

"Yeah."

"Sam..."

"What?" She asked through her yawn.

"...Nothing, I'll talk to you about it later. Love you."

"You too. Bye." She smiled, and walked upstairs, undressing and collapsing onto her bed. It had been a long day, she deserved a few hours. Besides, she had a week's downtime to get her head around things. She fell into a fitful sleep, Martouf's hopeful face swimming into her consciousness as the guilt and want and sadness threatened to overwhelm her.  
Samantha Carter slept.

SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGS

Samantha Carter awoke. And she was not alone, which was comforting beyond words. She was encircled in someone's arms, and she could feel him breathing on her neck. She tried not to move, she wasn't ready for it to end yet, it was nice to just **_be_** for a while.

"I know you're awake." He said wryly, speaking into her shoulder as he pulled her closer.

"I didn't know you were." She whispered back, reluctantly moving, turning over to face him.

"Hi."

"Hi." She smiled back as he kissed her chastly.

"So how you doing? Feeling any better?" He asked.

"Just...weird. I know we've met other alternates before, but seeing people who are dead, who we've loved and lost? It was just... That team with Janet? They had Janet and Martouf, everyone was alive, you were the leader of the base,I was married, pregnant in fact...It's just..."

She stopped and thought for a moment whilst he traced circles on her arm, patiently waiting for her to collect her thoughts.

"I think it was the first timeI was really jealous of another reality." She said slowly. "Is that crazy?"

"I don't think so. None of us were dead, we were all together, and they were fighting the same war as we were, but without half the pain."

"Exactly!" She sighed contentedly, snuggling further under the covers.

"So I'm assuming in that reality you were...married to Marty?" He asked hesitantly, unsure if he was overstepping that boundary. When it came to Jolinar-type stuff, he was never sure if he was allowed to be let in.

And when it came to two Tok'ra who'd been in love longer than he'd been alive, and the leftover feelings his "girlfriend" carried...he wasn't so sure he wanted to.

"Actually no. Apparently we had a long distance relationship, although I'm not sure if across the galaxy counts.

"And then he moved to the SGC to be near me. We lived together for a while, and then..." She smiled slightly, hiding her mouth under the covers, but he could still see her eyes smiling.

"And then?"

"And thenI fell in love with someone else, married him and am having his baby." She grinned, raising a Teal'c-esque eyebrow over the blue duvet cover.

"Hmm...interesting. Any idea who this lucky guy is?" He shuffled a little closer to her.

"I thinkI can take an educated guess." She leant up to kiss him.

"Me too."

SGSGSSGGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGGSGG

They returned to bed after retrieving coffee and toast from her kitchen.

"Oh yeah! And you know slightly-more evil Carter, she was married..."

"If you tell me she was married to MitchellI am leaving right now!" He said, making to get out of bed, but she pulled him back down.

"No, actuallyI don't know who she got married to, only that it was instead of the stint on Prometheus. She didn't go to R and D...she went on her honeymoon." She said meaningfully, staring at him.

"Oh." He replied softly, playing with the handle of the coffee mug.

"So...?" She asked, trying to get him to understand.

"So...So, whenI dropped you off in Nevada for your first day on the job, and we saw the sign for Vegas..."

"Yeah..." She urged him on.

"And whenI said that thing that we don't talk about because it's embarassing..."

"When you asked me to marry you." She clarified.

"And when you said no..." He continued in the same tone of voice.

"Hey! I did not say no!" She said loudly.

"I think "Jack, I love you andI wishI could say yes" translates into "No" doesn't it?" he half-smiled tiredly.

"No. It translates into "I would give anything to marry you, butI just broke off my _second _engagement a month ago, we haven't even been on a date yet, and if we get married you won't go to Washington which is where you're meant to be right now!"" She shouted in frustration.

"Oh." He said softly. "Right..."

"And becauseI followed my gut instinct-somethingI learnt from you, by the way-we ended up here, happy, instead of me being desperate, canniving and manipulating myself to save my own ass!"

He stared at her in confusion for a moment.

"Whatever it was you just said,I don't think you learnt it from me."

She sighed and calmed down.

"All I'm saying is, well I've been regretting not taking you up on that offer, and hearing about Janet and Martouf's reality made me regret it even more...butI think it was the right decision." She turned away and grinned.

"For now at least." She looked back at him quickly, grinning as realisation dawned.

"So that means...?"

"It means it's a raincheck, and ask me when we don't have to keep saving the planet every week?" She kissed him quickly.

"Story of our lives." He muttered, smiling none the less.

They stayed like that for a while, quietly lying in bed, her head on his chest in the cliche that they so obviously couldn't help but be; lost in their own thoughts, until Sam was brought out of her reverie.

"I almost kissed Martouf." She blurted out quietly. It was new, this being linked to someone. Having her decisions affect someone else.

"Okay." He shrugged and closed his eyes.

"That's it? No "What the hell?" Or "What are you playing at here Carter?" Or "For crying out loud woman!" She asked puzzled.

"I have never said "woman" in my life. DoI look like a goddamn cave man?"

She softly ran her fingers over the stubble on his unshaven jaw. "Well you were one for a while...then again so was I..."

"Look Sam, in your head, Jolinar or not, you were practically married to the guy for over a hundred years. I'm not jumping for joy here, but you had to save him from himself, then watch him die, then see Lantash die a few months later."

"I guess...But I'm still sorry,I didn't mean to do it,I just went to do it. Kvasir was there to interrupt anyway..."

"At the end of the day, Jolinar loved him, you may have loved him, to an extent you always will. But you happen to be stupid enough to be here with me right now." He raised his eyebrows.

"This is the part where you say it's not stupid, it's the best decision of your life, and I'm better looking than a tok'ra." He promted.

She said nothing.

"Sam?"

"I'm thinking!"

"Carter!" He whined, tickling her ribs under the covers. She wriggled away.

"Okay, Okay! Best decision ever! No contest! None!" She laughed, and he stopped, wrapping his arms back around her.

They were silent again for a moment.

"You know we're being horribly cliche about all this." She said, smiling up knowingly at him.

"What, being happy is a cliche?"

"No, just this..." She gestured at them, the bed, his uniform flung on the chair by her dresser. "The together-ness."

"Well you know, if we're going to do that, we might as well do it right..." He suggested.

She raised an eyebrow warily at him.

"Admit it, sometimes you think I'm alright." He looked at her expectantly, when she let out a sigh of laughter.

"Occasionally, maybe, when you aren't acting like a scoundrel." The words they had heard a million times before, that they had said and laughed at every time Teal'c had insisted on seeing it again.

"Scoundrel? I like the sound of that!" Jack took her hand, and pulled her ever so slightly closer.

"I happen to like nice men." Sam said snootily, turning away from him until he took hold of her chin ever so gently.

"I'm a nice man." He smiled laughingly before kissing her.

Much later, whilst thinking that he quite liked this reality as it was, Jack O'Neill mused out loud.

"I so owe Teal'c!"

And Samantha Carter, safe in the knowledge that her world didn't need saving tonight, proceeded to remind him why.

SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSSGSGSGSGSGSGSSGGSGSGSGSSGGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSG

AN2_The quotes were from star wars the empire strikes back (sooo the best one!) incase no one go that. First ten people to feedback get a cyber donut!_


	4. Beer, cleaning, and Sometimes

**AN**: _Hmm, hope this is okay, There's more actually going on than usual. Usually it's descriptions and imagery..now i've actually included dialogue! Oh and i threw in Danny, Teal'c and Cameron for the hell of it! FB, I'm having a crisis of confidence, andI need you to convince me im not complete crap... **obvious guilt tripping**._

Sometimes.

Samantha Carter was a force of nature. It was true. Although this time, instead of directing her energy towards the latest Big Bad trying to inflict itself upon the earth, or building something that looked as complicated as the function it performed, and Jack couldn't pronounce, she was doing something else. Something Jack O'Neill (two L's)hadn't really thought possible. And yet he was witnessing it.

Sam Carter was cleaning. And not just Cleaning. But deeply deeply "let's get happy with the solvents"Cleaning. She'd even put on her baggiest sweats, the radio on loudly and had stolen one of Daniel's headscarves to protect her slightly longer hair.

And, Jack had to admit, as much as he loved Science Sam, with that inquisitive sparkle in her eye, even when she gave him a headache; and he loved Soldier Sam, because she could kick his ass, and was hot with a gun, he was kinda loving this version of Samantha Carter too.

It was Sweep Sam. Cinderella Carter. Dancing around unconsciously, barefoot, standing on tip toe on a chair to dust the top of her cupboards in the kitchen. The pale pink camisol she'd matched with the sweats didn't hurt either.

He'd never really thought of Carter as cute, he realized. She was always either strong, or beautiful, or enchanting, but cute somehow was both too easy and too difficult for her. But now...now humming alone to The Beatles and wiggling her hips slightly, tapping her all-too intruiging pink-painted toes, he had to admit, Sam Carter was cute.

He wasn't really sure what had inspired this clean-a-thon, but it could be a repressed stress thing. He had some experience with that; tangling up his fishing rods, throwing in a couple of yoyos and a ball of string just for the hell of it. Then he'd spend a good couple of hours being productive, and untangling it in a way he couldn't do with his life.  
It made sense. Well for him at least.

But right now this was about her. And something was obviously bothering her.

"Um, Sam?" He asked hesitantly, hiding behind the paper he hadn't been reading for a good twenty minutes. "What are you doing?"

"Cleaning, Jack." She said wearily, followed by that tone of mischeivious sarcasm he came to recognize, "You know, it's that thing that stops the salsa in your fridge becoming a possible new cure for something."

"Hey, if that dude hadn't found penicillin, well...I'm sure _something_ would be different somewhere down the line." He responded childishly, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Anyway,I meant more along the lines of "Why are you spring cleaning in autumn, and more precisely, why is it more important than paying attention to me? I'm only here for another day, the dust bunnies can be here for as long as you want!"

"We're having a team night tonight." She said, not taking her eyes off of the smudge on the window that apparently would not succumb.

"Well, that's great, butI really don't think T is gonna judge you on how sparkly clean your coffee table is...and Danny is an archeologist, he would rather be covered in dust." He said offhandedly, watching her intently.

Something was up, he was sure.

"Cam's coming too. I invited him." She said shortly, moving onto polishing the door handle.

"Oh, well, yeahI can see how that would..." He gestured, and then paused,

"Actually, no,I really can't see how that has anything to do with what can only be called this Nesting Period thing you have going."

"I want him to feel comfortable."

"This is comfortable. However, rubbing him with a dishrag when he sits down... not so much."

"Jack!" She almost shouted, frustrated. "The man's friend just died, he has guilt issues, he's learning how to lead a team again, and he's trying not to get emotionally involved." She let out a deep breath.

"Remind you of anyone?" He asked gently, taking her hand and helping her from the stool, where she had moved to clean the back of the fridge. She realised she was desperately polishing fridge magnets like a crazy woman, and gasped.

"Look what you've become!" He said in mock horror, tugging her along after him to sit on the couch.

"He said the words" She said shortly, "He said what you used to say, and now that I've finally got you to stop saying it..."

"What?" He asked gently as she leaned back against him on the sofa, brushing a hand through her hair gently.

"He said he'd have done it for anyone. AndI don't want to have to go on a mission with a renegade, people get hurt. I need to know that he wants to look after this team because he knows his team, not because he has to." She said determind, but soothed.

"And so, the cleaning?" He asked puzzled.

"I'm just kind of nervous about him being here, and you being here, and Daniel and Teal'c being here..."

She turned to look at him.

"It's like original SG1 and..."

"New and improved SG1!" He said glibly, hiding his sadness behind the joke.

"The new sg1." She corrected firmly. "And plus, Daniel and Teal'c don't really know about this," She held up their linked hands.

"They know." He insisted. "They've always known, just like we did."

"It's just different." She sighed.

Everything had to change, nothing could stay the same. It had been all about keeping the distance, not getting too close, and now she was so close and it scared the crap out of her. She'd fallen for him, really bad. And she did not want her team to see how affected she was. That was the downside of working with your best friends, that line was crossed instantly.

He stood up suddenly, and pulled her up behind him.

"Alright Colonel, here is the deal, I will put away the insane amount of cleaning solutions you have. You will get dressed into something that doesn't make me want to ravish you here and now, and we will order some pizza. Is that clear?" He said loudly, in a drill sergeant's voice.

"Sir yes Sir!" She replied, and turned away to go upstairs, before turning back briefly.

"This? Really?" She gestured at her clothes.

"Hell yeah." he grinned as she rolled her eyes, pleased, and went to change.

SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSG

It was an hour later when the door rang, and because Sam wasbusy trying to explain that she could order whatever the hell she wanted on a pizza to the delivery guy, Lieutenant Colonel Cameron Mitchell was faced with aone star General answering Carter's door.

Now _that _was slightly unexpected.

"General O'Neill Sir!" He saluted quickly.

"At ease Cameron! Come on in." Jack smiled, waving his arm to welcome him in.

"Right on time. Danny and Teal'c will be another ten minutes at least. Daniel drives like an old woman."

Cameron looked amused, but said nothing.

"Beer?" Jack offered, leading him towards the kitchen, nodding at Carter, getting frustrated on the phone as he went. Sam waved at Cameron before continuing her argument.

"She knows that whenever we order from them he's going to try and tell her to change her order." Jack nodded towards Sam as he took two beers from her fridge and popped the top off each one, handing one to Mitchell, before drinking from the second.

"She just likes to remind herself she can win any argument." He smiled fondly.

"Thank you Sir." Cameron said as he took the beer, sipping, his fingers playing with the label slightly nervously.

"It's Jack. We're not at the SGC."

"Jack." Cameron corrected himself.

"See if you'd said that to me years ago you would have saved a lot of trouble." Sam grinned as she walked past them, taking a sip of Jack's beer before returning the bottle to him. Mitchell froze.

"The guy is doing whatI want and took 25 percent off the price as long asI stopped arguing with him."

"MaybeI should have tried that too." Jack muttered under his breath.

Sam didn't hear. She looked strangely proud of her acheivement.

"A person who saves the world on a weekly basis is proud of driving a delivery guy insane?" Cameron questioned, bemused, choosing to ignore the informality between The General and Colonel. What went on behind closed doors was not his business. He was staying away from the betting pools. Especially after General Landry had apparently heard ones about him and Caroline Lam. Not good.

"I keep him on his toes." She grinned at Jack, noticing Cameron's reaction.

"Sorry we're late!" Daniel's voice floated down the hall as he let himself in through door with the spare key. Teal'c followed, wearing his favourite stetson.

"Nice hat Teal'c." Cameron said, smiling. Daniel rolled his eyes.

"I apologise for our tardiness Colonel Carter." Teal'c said formally to Sam, looking suspiciously annoyed with Daniel.

"Daniel Jackson assured me he would not drive below the speed limit once again, but as he has not consumed enough caffeinated beverages this morning he was reluctant to drive at the appropriate speed." Teal'c said solemnly, but Sam saw the humor in his eyes. She rubbed his arm as she offered him orange juice. He bowed slightly as he accepted.

"Old woman." Jack mouthed at Cameron, who laughed a little too loudly.

Daniel rolled his eyes once again, unamused. "Well if it was that important, you could have driven, I was in the middle of a really important breakdown of a society on p4g-779, where the people-"

"Coffee Daniel?" Sam asked quickly, tempting him away from his "Fascinating" breakdown of the human infrastructure of a place they were not returning to.

Teal'c greeted O'Neill formally, as he did everything it seemed. But Jack noticed he clasped his arm a little tighter than normal, and he was touched that his friend missed him. Daniel slapped him on the back, glad to see him also. But possibly for a different reason.

"Jack, you owe me twenty bucks." He announced proudly.

"It pissed her off?" He asked incredulously.

"Yup." Daniel smiled smugly, taking the money Jack offered, and folding it very obviously, placing it gently in his pocket.

"Teal'c?" Sam asked from behind them.

"Yes Colonel Carter?"

"You owe me fifteen bucks."

"I believe that to be correct." Teal'c acquiesced, passing over the money.

"Daniel Jackson, you owe me five dollars." Teal'c then said.

"She knew?" He exclaimed, passing over the five begrudgingly.

"Jack, you owe me-" Sam started, grinning widely.

"I'll pay you later!" He said quickly, then grinned. "Promise!"

Cameron was silent for a moment, wondering if he'd somehow stumbled into a ripple effect scenario, before asking loudly.

"What the hell?"

"Sorry Cam." Sam apologised, feeling bad for making him feel like the new guy again. Like he needed help with that.

"I gave Daniel a ball to play with. I bet that it wouldn't piss Carter off, asI thought maybe it would make her think fondly of her old CO-" He raised his eyebrows at her pointedly "But apparently it did. Danny won."

"And I bet Teal'c that Jack gave Daniel the ball." Sam shrugged.

"I challenged Daniel Jackson that Major Carter knew he was betting on her with the ball in question." Teal'c raised an eyebrow knowingly.

They all smiled.

"But Sam, what did you bet Jack?"

"That he'd lose the next bet he made on me." She grinned.

Every bet he'd ever made on her, he'd lost. However much he thought he knew her, she tended to elude him. Then again, he'd never have bet she'd have wanted him, so sometimes it paid to be wrong.

"Do I dare ask what he owes you?" Daniel said, trying to sound appalled but grinning too much for it to be effective.

"No." Sam said simply, shaking her head and smiling, then walking to the door as the doorbell rang. She returned and dumped the large boxes on the coffee table, where the rest of her team were already sitting, discussing the latest Star Wars movie.

"I greatly enjoyed it Colonel Mitchell." Teal'c said earnestly, or as earnest as a Jaffa could get,

"It provided much insight into the character of Anakin Skywalker. It was a tale of evil overcoming good, which was strange, but fitting for the rest of the films."

"Wow, Teal'c don't think I've ever heard you so passionate aboutsomething so..."

"Don't say trivial!" Jack coughed next to Mitchell.

"Un-jaffa related?" Mitchell tried. Teal'c merely bowed his head.

"Well,I hated it." Daniel said simply, on his first beer, and suprisingly less eloquent, although it may have been the coffee high he was on as well.

"I went with Cassie-"

"Doc Fraiser's kid?" Cameron asked. "Files." He shrugged.

"She's my God-daughter." Sam offered in explanation, "The guys act as Uncles."

"Or Dad's in some cases." Daniel looked pointedly at Jack.

"What?"

"You know what!" Daniel said incredulously,

"Banning her from seeing Dominic until she graduated, and then that guy she met at the beach, and then the guy at College."

"Oh yes, the wonderful _Chris_." Sam supplied, "He's studying Medicine, likes to surf, knows three other languages and wants to go set up hospitals in impoverished countries."

"See? Troublemaker right there!" Jack grinned.

"Yeah well that's all very well, but I was the one who had to listen to her moan about you for a good hour, and then took her to see the film to cheer her up...and then listen to the drivel that George Lucas considers dialogue." Daniel moaned.

Sam grinned. "Something along the lines of "Hold me Anakin, like you did by the lake on Naboo when there was only our love"?" She laughed. "Cass said you teared up."

"Liar!"

"Danny boy, no one thinks any less of you!"

Daniel just shook his head. "And after all that, what did she talk about after? "That Hayden Christian is sooo hot!" He mimicked, and shook his head.

"Oh, I don't know." Sam wrinkled her nose and smirked at Jack, "I always preferred Han Solo."

They tucked into the pizza, and although Cameron had originally been surprised by the amount of food Sam had ordered, he understood once he saw the extent of Teal'c's appetite. The Jaffa could eat. Infact, he made it look like a sport.

"So Cameron, being on the infamous SG1 everything you imagined?" Jack asked, onto his fourth beer. It obviously wasn't affecting him, except that his arms relaxed on the back of the sofa, so Carter was a little closer to him. Which wasn't strange in itself. It was just that he seemed to assume he wasn't going home tonight. Then again, he was a General for the White House, maybe he had a car coming to pick him up. Or maybe not...

"Everything and more. It was what I expected, and yet nothing like it. I guess it shows you how different it is being there and reading the reports." He shrugged.

"Yes, it is." Jack said quietly, smiling sadly.

"Oh, I'm sorry Sir, I didn't mean to-"

"Calm down Colonel." Jack waved a hand at him, "Stop fussing. I left of my accord, doesn't meanI don't miss it sometimes."

He caught Sam's eye, "Also doesn't mean that staying away isn't worth it." He grinned at the rest of them.

"It really, really is. Never realised how cool it is to be a General. Should have become one years ago." He raised an eyebrow at Sam. She bit her lip, trying not laugh.

"No-"

"I'm not. I'm smirking."

"A regular occurence."

"Wonder who's fault that is?"

"Can't think of anyone."

"Holy Osiris." Daniel muttered, " I preferred them with their "Carter"'s and "Sir"s. All repressed and pining for each other."

"So how's Space Monkey doing? Getting caught, killed, disobeying direct orders?" Jack asked slyly.

"Actually,I came to the team expecting Jackson to be a geek, and he's really not." Cameron sounded a little surprised. Daniel himself looked shocked.

"I'm not?"

"Jackson?" Jack mouthed at Sam.

"Repressed and pining?" She whispered back, giggling.

Cameron hadn't noticed and answered.

"Well,I was kinda expecting a sneezing, whining guy with a massive ego and having to spend all my time explaining why you can't always be diplomatic."

"Yeah,I killed that whole "having morals" thing a while back." Jack said.

"Glad you approve." Daniel said haughtily.

"Yeah, well you haven't got yourself killed yet, which apparently happens to be your forte."

Cameron felt relief as they all laughed, he was beginning to think he could maybe fit here.

"Although this ability to attract hot but seriously annoying chicks in leather...that you may want to work on."

Daniel did a double take. "You think Vala's hot?"

Cameron raised both his eyebrows. Teal'c watched the exchange.

"I believe the syllable Cameron Mitchell wishes to convey is "Duh"." He offered. Jack choked down his laughter.

"She's hot?" Daniel asked Teal'c bemusedly.

Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "Indeed."

"Really?" He said thoughtfully. "Really?" He said again, unable to deal with the idea that there was something good about her. He was so used to her being a pain in the ass...

"Oh come on Daniel, evenI think she's hot!" Sam snorted as she took the plates over to the sink. "A little irritating perhaps..."

She trailed off, turning back when she noticed the pin-drop silence. Each of the men were looking into space.

"Stop thinking that right now!" She commanded, mortified.

"Sorry honey, watching a really good movie here!" Jack said sarcastically, smirking into space.

"You don't even know what she looks like!" She countered.

"My imagination doesn't seem to have a problem with that." He crossed his outstretched legs on her coffee table, and put his hands behind his head, relaxing onto her couch to piss her off as much as possible.

She walked back over, leaning close, until she was right infront of his face.

"Jack,I can promise you that whatever im doing in your imagination you will never see unless you stop that now." She whispered threateninglyso that only he could hear.

"So," He said jumping up, "Who's up for ice cream?"

SGSGSSGGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGGSG

It was one am by the time everyone left. Thankfully there was little mess, only a few beer bottles to throw in the recycling bin, and some pizza boxes to throw in the trash.

Sam collapsed on the sofa next to Jack, resting her feet on his lap.

"Well, that went okay, right?" She asked, closing her eyes and stretching her arms out behind her.

"I think you've got a good team there Colonel." He said softly. "It went well. I think Mitchell left feeling like one of us."

"God help him." She shook her head, "We're severly screwed up."

"How are we screwed up?" he tapped a tune out on her leg.

"You need that question answered? Okay, well Daniel has somehow morphed into something between a less geeky version of him, or a less irreverent version of you. Which is creepy in itself. And I'll ignore the fact that he keeps morphong into various forms of energy every now and then."

"Teal'c's not weird."

"Teal'c is an alien." She reminded him.

"Hey, half the people on this planet are more alien that Teal'c!"

"...Which brings me to how screwed up you are!"

"Oh funny. Take away your sciency thingamibobs, and suddenly you're a comedienne." He made a face. He pushed her legs off his lap, with more force than he meant to. She went swinging round, and dragged him down with her.

They ended up sliding off the edge of the couch, crouching on the floor, squashed up against each other, tangled.

"You're screwed up because you don't know that I love you." She whispered close to his face, grinning in the tangled mess on the floor they had become.

"And you're screwed up because you love me?" He offered, smiling slightly.

She bit her lip, smiling, considering it.

"Maybe. Don't care though. Rather be screwed up."

He went to kiss her. "Speaking of scr-"

"If you say it I'll hit you." She warned cheerfully, millimetres from his face.

"Wasn't going to say anything!"

"Sure you weren't." She whispered, kissing him.

It wasn't strange any more for them. They could spend time together, they could act like a couple. Probably because they were. But she was seriously glad it hadn't ended up that he was ending up playing the CO in the relationship as well as in reality. She guessed it might have happened if they'd broke the regs.

Rules were there for a reason. Rules she would have broken eventually, if she had had to wait much longer. Sam Carter was a scientist, andif she knew how things could work, she was not a patient woman. But she had been the good little soldier and it had paid off. Now she was defintely the one in charge.

Jack pulled back, and looked at her. She'd learnt his looks like a code over the years, the only source of true communication for them; brilliantly useful in the field, or in goa'uld cells, but painfully bittersweet in reality.

But this look was one she couldn't decipher, she'd never seen it before. It was almost terrifyingly gentle in its nakedness. It was just beguiling emotion. He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, and almost smiled, but looked so lost in thought, so only the corners of his mouth quirked slightly.

"Do you ever think sometimes that you have everything?"

She tilted her head to the side. She thought of all those she lost, those she'd loved and needed. She remembered all those battles lost, all those "almost" moments. All the times she'd cried herself to sleep because life wasn't enough, and was too much, all at the same time.

"I know I do." She whispered back.

Sometimes things weren't enough. Sometimes they were too much. And every now and then, you could forget the bad times, and just hang out with your friends, or collapse on the sofa, or tell the man you love that you love him.

Sometimes Samantha Carter was a sap. A sappy romantic uselesscollection of smiley lovey dovey feelings. And sometimes she was damn pleased about it too.


End file.
